the cold still bite my bones

todays matter is happiness.
i dont know how to explain on that one. but it sure does things momentarily and temporary. and that it cannot beat despairs and sorrows. materialistically speaking, happiness can be bought as well. it gives you hope sometimes. it makes you wish that it will last a lifetime. but then again, its momentarily and temporary...which is usually depressing. i am just tired of trying. and my heart starts confessing. i have yet to reach my mid life and now i am thinking everything is at world's end. i seem to be having this kind of unhealthy thoughts every now and then. i seriously need to take a serious action to steer my mind away straight to the ultimate happiness. if any... things are much easier if i could just blame it to someone else and thats totally unfair i know, even so... still it wouldnt solve anything. this is what happens when desire suffocate your mind. life living is not plenty enough to be approved by one's own.

yes i still havent had enough of things. especially this, where i and dizzy head out to one of the cold districts here. it was breathtakingly beautiful. the tea plantations, the strawberries, the mountains and the soft kisses of cold air to the skin... it was like the life you'd like to escape to and live. the trip was nauseaus (is the spell correct?), and short and windy and cold and green and pretty and lovely. i cant thank dizzy enough of how the trip made me happy. having you around again is certainly the most blissful dream. and for that i wish that you will never leave me alone again. ever again.

im sorry that i love and yet i hurt.
the cold still bite my bones