me hope for..

i kinda miss my old cluster with bunch of cool people. now that ive moved to a new one with a new bunch of people.. cant help but feeling how terribly i am missing my old one. hehe although we are not that far apart (like only few steps away), still! although not that far apart, the environment make things more complicated.

so.. how am i doing?
im doing fine, just alil bit faint and faded.
and that i dont know what to expect about the checkup tomorrow. i told dizzy that i thought of the worst, he said i was a pessimist. but i replied with Ifs prepares me for when.. so i wouldnt be that sad if its true..and that if its nothing.. totally jolly about it. he still said i was a pessimist. and i think.. whoever has that positive waves running in and out of their minds, is totally out of this world.

yeah. im a lil dizzy here now. ive never really been to a specialist for something that looks serious. so this kinda gimme shivers to the bone.

im giving names to my lumps. the right one would be lola, and the lefty is loli.
merepek. so in a way, im giving names to my boobs.

so let the sunshine, let it come.. to show me that tomorrow is eventual, which i only know it when the day is done.

miow.

do you think it will work out wrong?

i went to see the doctor, and get my breasts checked out. it was really embarrassing.. and she didnt say much though about the lumps. i noticed one, but she noticed 2 on both sides... and she drew my boobies on her cool computer/tablet (i dont knwo what they call it). and i was like.. 'wow..ur drawing my boobies" and she replied.. 'ouh yeah.. i dont really write'. :P

and she referred me to the surgical department (wha??)for a further thorough check-up at DSH.
sounds agonizing.. but yeah.. kinda. a lil. and since i was on off day, i just straight away went there and scheduled for a consultation on coming monday with a guy doctor! got meself an MC! so yeah.

i dont know if im feeling worried, but... its just kinda sad. i dont know what im sad about, but prolly im just sad coz i was just planning and about to get my life straight, and this kinda shove me off a little out of the way. although i know this is going to be nothing, but i guess i will have to stall some of my plans.

but im still going to get my shades powerlensed or whatsoever.

im feeling cold.

i am still in love with rachael yamagata.
and im anticipating for her latest album, which i dont know when shes going to release em!

urgh!

and i bumped into one of her songs 'what if i leave' which she was singing live on kcrw.. and... breathtaking.

' You were gone that day, so you may have missed my goodbye '.

seperti biasa, lagu mellow.

to the doctor

i must go.

lump, as i certainly know is in my booby.. it has been there since quite few years and only now i have got to find out what purpose that lump is serving to my booby (definitely not making my boob bigger).

so yeah, i hope its nothing. yeah its nothing.
but there are few circles that i know that they had actually succesfully removed lumps on their boobs.. afraid that it might be cancerous. heh...

im going to get my breast examined! woot!

explosions in the sky

hello,

this is the new year! and i have no new resolution except for the one i made with dizzy, one with making myself fat. im on my way through that, and besides eating junks at work, i opted for cakes and kebabs and juices and suppers. get fat the healthy way.

about 2007, i have maybe accomplished so much last year, with me being able to go for a holiday and jolly good time travelling, meet new people and with new babies in noah, and ive worked the whole year thru 2007 (gila!), concerts and nadal... and shopped my heart out although not as much but still... above all, im just surprised that in some ways.. i am able to stand on my own two feet. i am now can be called independent. however, i just dont think ive grown any mature.. from last 2 years. nah i dont think so. but i believe, with what i have gone through.. had really taught me alot, and those are ones that i cant really explain or define and interpret. somehwre i know.

and.. the hardworks and depressions and dizziness whatsoever, i still had my fair share of happiness. despite all that, i am still in love with the world. and you.. you know you. thank you for always stand still with me. i wouldnt be able to be i am now without u. and im requesting for you to always still, in years to come.

2008. head on, im ready!
ouh.. add on to my what to do this year.. i have got to take control of my life!