work and social responsibility

?

i miss marissa cooper.
i wanna go home.

its 2 separate stories.
dont get all mixed.
im just tired.

buat apa huh??

ive been stalking other ppl's friendster! bosan kann.
but not just some people. mostly are my long lost friends, and just wanna hear lil updates from them.

ive brought along dvds for me to watch. but i havent got the hinch to see. ouh ouh. hinch is not an english word (kot). just tat i felt right typing it and suiting it with the sentence.

nak kench.

and errr..

"If someone you care about is being unrealistic about things, you have to tell them."

what if im the one being unrealistic? whos gonna temme?????

how often do you find the right person?

once

no matter how many you have in mind. only one topping others. ke ? ?? kan kan?
really. i mean, if you're thinking about ex bfs, and the current one.. of course u'd think the right person is the current one. and chances that u think how often.. it would be once. unless of course if you're being dumped and you wishfully still think that he's the right one for you, altho now ur with somebody else.. then its still once then...kan? im talking in circles. but yeah, right person can only be found once.



one of the songs..

so.. once. its a movie that i saw with dizzy. ive been waiting for that movie to show up on kedai ahpek, and i was obviously happy to see my anticipation was finally being rewarded by giving away rm5 and a movie in return with a good storyline. that movie, as per stated.. is a modern day musical ( way better to compare to hairspray.. ). the songs that were sang in the movie were super nice (im now looking to buy for the original ost.. ala ala devics, damien rice), and of course about that right person. it was nice. really nice. kinda make me inspired to make music. to make songs. about people who have given me so much experiences. with basic chords but with melodious tones.

hihi.. talking bout this, just now we were playing with the guitar. playing with only one note as a kickstart, we have to look for as many melodies we can get. its not as easy, but at least we got to know that its not about the technicals that matters.. its how creative you can be to play around it.


this is the ice mocha somone bungkus it for me. aww.

ive been out. and i bought things for my better being, which comes quite costly. i never took my skin seriously, but because i wanna have the perfect skin like i saw on movies...i threw myself with this pricy beauty stuffs. yeah i know its the make up, but hey.. maybe they do have perfect skin. plus.. i still bought em coz i think that with cost, i would be wasting a lot of money if i didnt use em. it seems that that theory is working..for me and its about time now to take good care of myself. and i got my hair trimmed, and also bought this thing that is suppose to make my hair perfect and not age. heh. so.... work the spell!

im clinique-d.
but i have few other things need to be doctored.
my lens is due to change. wardrobe has to be filled with new jeans. the shelf needs to put in with new pairs. and of course, my desire for everything everything that i see that i wanna buy. ngaa..

" Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice "

ngaaaaaaaaaaaaa......................................

this is one of em! they have all the bands that id like em to be in my collections! never heard of.. but their songs are really nice to hear.. plus! they have narrowed down for me!

i think... i cant leave my paypal a/c dormant!
dz gave me this one link with a whole huge links to links. and i found this one.. and im strucked with madnesss!! i cant choose! theres too many!

jangan tamak! pilih dengan baik.. dan beli.
baiklah cikgu....

ngaaa!!!!!

those..

actions,
were...

petting pride is just not necessary. what benefits could have grown?
things are suppose to be seen differently as we grow older.

if only reason and intuition combines.

ouh! nothing in particular, tengok kerenah orang tua.. and the nearest examples would be mi daddi and that i reminded myself about him with a conversation that i had with ana the other night and serious ones with dz. pphhbt, i dont want to grow old like him. i respect him, on few of the values that he has. others just irrelevant sometimes.

do you think its hard growing old?
i once saw this one book at my old frens house when i was back in form 4, and the title was ' dealing with aging parents ' (and of course i didnt care to pick up).... hihi. i guess growing old does have certain insecurities, and probably its almost impossible for them to adapt anymore... then thats when that book might come in handy. i wonder how.. i got off from mine by just nodding.

"aging is a disease"
cottage fries.

hari sabtu hari apa ??

Hari Raya!
therefore i'd like to wish my fellow muslims Happy Aidilfitri, and to enjoy your triumph for having to fast the whole month..moderately, humbly.. but happy. :D

Mine was funny and just crazy. i mean, during that time it wasnt really funny or crazy, but seeing the pics that i took, this year had been quite different. not quite.. a lot actually.. on other things as well. and the kids were just ecstatic. raya must have meant so much to them, just like back then. and my home, is the kampung halaman that they will be telling their friends, and cherry on top would be.. ermm.. " i really have a super cool aunt ! ". ok.. tak kene mengena.

i wiki-ed aidilfitri and just like i thought, the maaf zahir batin is a tradition which is only going on in singapore and malaysia. but i didnt read till end coz its just too long. yeah! but this tradition is good, its like lifting a little guilt thats been hanging inside you, like coming clean.. especially if you're being honest. :P about me, i think i havent been that honest when kneeling and asking to forgive. coz i have these dark truths that i didnt think my parents would be delighted to forgive. so i cried. but most times that i cried wasnt due to the dark truths, just for the facts that i hadnt been nice to them. sometimes... tapi mengada je nak menangis, coz truly simply there were just heavier things going on with my parents and the older siblings. older.. i really mean olderrrrr.

besides, its just unfair on one thing. reason : if we think we're really right doesnt mean we dont have to apologise. the person who has asked to be forgiven is of course to be forgiven, and in return, we shouldnt be bongkak to just say.. alright you're forgiven. how do you know if we were really being right? how do you know that the forgivee doesnt hold any grudge or thinks that we're right? there must some part they must have felt we're also wrong and by being the one asking is a gesture to make peace. to ask is already a token, coming out from that mouth takes a whole lot of courage and to ask in return, is a real humble slave to Almighty.

just a thing i observed at home. i guess that event made me. so, i really really want to do things right after this. whats the use of saying it without doing it? its just hurtful seeing. kalau buat kat orang lagi la kan? but im laying low, id behave whenever i can.

but heh, what is world without unfairness?
i am just againts the world. with dizzy, we're two againts the world. anybody?

ouh! have you seen bourne ultimatum? that movie made me gone haywire! its too crazy to compare or to comment. mcm... agagagaggaa. best gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

another movie which is also breathtaking, but totally different genre is " the mighty heart ". its based on a true story, and i read about the story on Times which they interviewed the real person, i mean the woman i forgot her name. basically that movie was about daniel pearl's wife, telling about the agonies that she had to go thru during the event where her husband went missing for months ++ and finally a video footage being sent with gruesome beaheading scene of her hubbie's. thats just that and sad. and jolie played it really well. i never really gave her any credits in acting, but this one might just change my mind. you should really watch this one. i mean, i dont know if this story being berat sebelah tunjuk barat and everything bad about islam... but still, behead someone is just too much regardless of what reason so ever.

why cant they see? to request is not by force, and to be powerful is not with violence! *mengeluh*

:P

so, happy thoughts from now on!
woot!

** forgivee is not an english word. putting ' one to ask ' is too long. its some sort of.. mentor mentee. forgiver forgivee.

everything is half

i wonder...

i just came back from a very long holiday almost like a month last month, i was forced to. its the company's regulation. it was awesome! and still i havent had the time to update those. :P i dont know what i did, but it was quite full.

still however, i get distracted pretty easy lately. i dont realise if i have been thinking, but what i do realise is that i worried about few lotsa things. its not much but it utilises every inch of my brain and never fail to faint my heart. ive been questioning. i have questions. i no longer know what i want.

questions ive been asking myself about me:
1) am i content?
2) why am i having sleeplees nights? what am i thinking?
3) what am i doing now?
3) have i fulfilled my youth to full?
4) what if?
5) is money everything?
6) if i were to just run, how is it that im going to live?
7) do i have a destination in life? what would that be?
8) am i worth it?
9) is everything else worth the effort?
10) havent i done enough?
11) am i doomed?
12) why do i worry too much!? gggrrr!
13) is he the one?
14) am i the one?
15) will he be with me always? will people be with me always?
16) do i always hurt?
17) do i care enough?
18) am i still fun?
19) is he crazy enough?
20) why the not happy thoughts open wider?
21) am i a coward?
22) am i asking for too much?
..) im tired.

hmm. i could almost answer all the questions, but i am only partially sure when i answer, but above all im just not sure what i want. i mean.. overally. im not shattered or unglued or confused or what ever it is i can think of.. just i wish.

i halfheartedly go to work. ive been staying for months and months almost a year now coz of the pay. its pays wonderful money. and wonderful days when u go and spend it. and i have left my degree for a year and i dont think i have all it takes to work up my degree. plus, i dont have the heart for that either. so im stucked. but i know i just have to be optimistic. still i feel im stucked. im a coward i guess.

the funny thing is that, ive been talking to thousands today and yet i feel like i havent changed a bit. i feel like im getting more private now. i see people, i see my friends every now and then, but i couldnt let myself to talk. i went blank, and i always thought that maybe my story is no drama and would bore them, but most of times i lost thoughts to tell. so what exactly? im never gonna get fat, too much energy been supplying my brain than to my flesh. :@